Tia-Alana Robson-Petch - October 15 2020

Porn Taught Me Everything I know About Sex

Does porn leave un-realistic expectations when it comes to intercourse?

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Porn Taught Me Everything I Know About Sex

The common conversation based around porn is usually so black and white, you are either pro-porn or anti-porn and there is not often an in-between discussion based around how porn can become beneficial and educate future generations and provide realistic expectations.

Porn has become one of the primary educational tools for sexual education in young adults. The average age of first exposure to porn is 11 years old. As many as 93.2% of boys and 62.1% of girls first see porn before the age of 18 years old.

Further Statistics:
70% of men aged 18 to 24 visit a porn site at least once per month.
86% of sex therapists felt that porn hurt their clients relationships and 90% of them see an increased rate in relationship problems due to porn use
.

I don’t know about you but I was never given “The Talk” by my parents. It’s not that sex was a taboo topic in my household, it was just not something we ever really talked about and when it came to “sexual education” in school, it wasn’t really educational.

I remember taking one class in year 8 science and it was a quick chat saying; “Here is a pad, here is a tampon, don’t use a tampon until you lose your virginity” sexual education over. When you discuss this topic with other women and men, the verdict remains the same. They were either taught nothing at all or very vague and small information that can be found from a quick google search.

So as a curious young woman or man, where does that leave us? Porn of course.
This article is not about whether porn is good or bad, rather what porn teaches us about sex and how this impacts young adults' mental health and future relationships.

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Sex Doesn’t Need An Agenda

In porn all too often, it’s all about the “MONEY SHOT” “THE BIG FINISH” and guess what - 80% of the time - it’s about the man.

There is pressure on both sides to get to the finish line as quickly as possible and the message of “enjoying the journey” gets completely lost.

Sex should be enjoyable and pleasureable for both parties involved, but because we aren’t shown this we are conditioned to think “we have a set agenda of how things should look like.”

Vaginal Penetration Alone Usually Doesn’t Lead To An Orgasm

Let’s be real, About 75% of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances, but yet when it comes to porn, it’s like a magic trick, when anything enters the vagina BOOM instant climax.

I’m sorry no, I’m not buying that. While it seems harmless to fake an “O” on camera to boost male viewers, it sets unrealistic expectations based around what women enjoy during intercourse.

This leads to 2 things happening:

1. A woman will fake an Orgasm to preserve the hurt feelings of the man or because they are embarrassed for not reaching climax.

2. The man will get his feelings hurt and suffer damage to his ego causing depression and mental health issues.

Communication

This one is a no-brainer for me, but it seems to be one that porn companies just can’t grasp. During sex you need to communicate with your partner, about what feels good, what feels bad and all the fun stuff in-between to connect the two of you.

Let’s be real, if you’ve seen porn you know there is usually only one kind of dirty talk and it’s all based around the woman wanting to be penetrated instantly without any lubrication and she starts moaning like crazy. I’m sorry, but that’s not real sex.

You need to have the discussion with your partner about how to set the mood and learn what each other likes/dislikes and hey look; I’m not saying I expect you to take a one-night stand home and open your heart out to them about every sexual thing you enjoy because it’s perfectly normal to live in the moment - it’s exciting.

I’m saying work with each other and learn to read each other's body language.

Remember the #1 rule, “Orgasms are a Mutual Privilege”. 

A Woman Will Never Have Sex For A Delivery

This is a quick one I wanted to touch on, but as a male you will almost-never get sex as payment for a pizza, handy-man work or any form of service.

Another unrealistic expectation introduced to us from porn. I don’t know about you but 9/10 my pizza delivery guy is a greased up pre-teen who is running 10 minutes late cause he doesn’t know where my house is and by the time he arrives I’m hangry AF.

Sex Really Isn’t As Athletic As Porn Would Lead You To Believe

There is nothing wrong with the starfish or the good old classic missionary, porn-star’s would lead you to believe that every woman is as flexible and has the stamina as an elite gymnast, which is not the case. 

Orgasms are a Mutual Privilege

The structure - and all too common reality of mainstream porn - is most scenes are based around the male orgasm. It’s all about “The Money Shot” the man reaching climax and boom the scene ends.

Often, a woman reaching climax is not even featured in main-stream porn. What I urge you to remember, everyone deserves an orgasm and sex is about mutual pleasure, don’t let porn trick you otherwise. 

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Not all Girls Love The Taste

We all know when it comes to main-stream porn, the high paying shots are the c*m shots, but sorry to break it to you boys not every girl wants to taste your biscuits.

In fact, most girls will skip or turn away during these scenes because it’d downright gut-wrenching. Now I’m not saying you might find a unicorn or two that loves your manly juices, but don’t expect it and certainly don’t force it.

In conclusion, most people don’t think about the negative behavioural effects that porn plays in society and they just click on a video and masturbate their hearts out. It’s not a secret that porn bears little resemblance to reality and sometimes this might be exactly what you are looking for to escape and “get off” and that’s okay.

It’s important to realise when you are faced with reality to not let your expectations be swayed due to main-stream porn.