I don’t know about you but I don’t think I’m the only one who’s got crunk with my girlfriends listening the Cardi B’s and Megan Thee Stallions WAP.
It’s pretty damn empowering, rapping alongside to a song that celebrates a woman’s sex appeal, pleasure and dominant power.
WAP received much critical acclaim for its sex positive message, but on the other end of the spectrum, also received a significant amount of controversy. This came from public figures, fellow songwriter’s and comedians… Which brings me to the age-old debate, is a number just a number? Why are men celebrated for their sexual power, and treated like God’s among the bros yet females are slut shamed, told they need to be modest, continuously having to justify what they do with their own body? Now, when I say “slut”, I’m referring to its modern day definition “a woman who has many sexual partners” … You’ve got to be kidding me right?
Firstly, let’s make sure we’re on the same page. When I refer to the term ‘body count’, I don’t mean the number of people you’ve killed … fingers crossed you haven’t actually murdered someone …
The term ‘body count’ I’m referring to is the number of people a single person has had sexual intercourse with. Now, I completely understand that sex* with an individual comes in many forms and shapes, please note I can only write from my perspective as a straight female.
“How many guys have you slept with…?” - The number #1 burning question a woman approaching her late 20’s is asked REGULARLY!
Just like the jackpot, everyone has lucky numbers. I’m sure you’ve heard the age-old sexual equation regarding the number 3, if not, let me enrich your life.
They say that when a female gives you their ‘number’ of sexual partners, you multiply that number by 3, and that’s her ‘real’ body count. Why is this so? Much like me, I’m sure you don’t want to be shamed or judged for your number, be it big or small. We are taught by society to be modest, not too cheeky, not too “slutty”.
Be respectful and hard to get, but not too hard to get. You need to be sexy, illusive and that being sexually free is frowned upon. I’m a single, 27 year old female, and I’ve been asked this controversial question more times than I can count. It came up quite recently, to which I replied curtly, “I don’t think you should ask a girl her number.”
Now I am not ashamed by the number of people I’ve slept with, but I’m not exactly going to be seen shouting from the rooftop that I’ve slept with “X” amount of people. I think it’s so damn important for women to explore their sexuality! Every woman has the right to feel liberated by pleasure, and the right to be sexually free. I 100% believe that orgasms are a mutual privilege … ladies, please say that again, and males if you are reading this, maybe ponder this while you’re getting your rocks off.
(I would like to add that I highly encourage this exploration in a safe, consensual space, whilst using protection!)
Without racking up those numbers, how are you going to find out what you like? What makes you tick sexually? Let’s be honest there is a lot of fun in the chasing, teasing and the foreplay of bedding a male.
Trust me when I say I’ve had some duds in my time, and I’m sure I’ve been the dud also. I’ve felt the pressure to just please the male, without receiving any pleasure in return. Now I could go on and on about female pleasure, but that itself is an entirely new topic of conversation, we’ll get to that another day.
I’m sure much like myself, you do enjoy a good pounding, but to keep you on your toes I’d much rather ease you all in slow, sensual sex-style.
“Bro … good job, you nailed her!” *first bump*
Ladies, we’ve all had that moment where we’re out at a club and we see a group of guys. There is one in particular that catches your eye. He may be extremely good looking, he may be holding himself differently or you can just tell he has that extra spark of charisma. You guessed it … the stereotypical guy, the player.
Now the mathematical equation for a male is what I like to call the power of 3.
Lets call him Sam, with a CIRCA 2012 Justin Bieber haircut. Cue, ‘Hey Siri, play boyfriend by Justin Bieber.’ Claims he’s slept with 60 women. Now we take this magical number, and divide this by 3. Result equals 20. Technically, this is Sam’s ‘real’ body count. I’m sure there are many open and honest guys, who are truthful about their body count. Let’s not take away from that, but I’m sure much like myself, you too have been involved in conversation where a guy, or even guys, have bragged about the amount of “chicks” they’ve slept with.
Does this not feel like a double-ended sword? Why does the sex appeal of a man grow, with the number of women he’s rolled in bed with? Why is it mischievous and sexy for a man to have countless women?
You would bloody well hope that if you slept with him he delivered, because that itself is a double injustice!
So what is it really? Is it societies’ sex culture encouraging this behaviour? Is it the media, books, television? Why do we have this idea and expectation that sexual empowerment is for men only? Yet despite the controversy, I honestly feel for males. It must be tiring constantly having to live up to a sex standard of an Adonis, thinking they need maintain such a façade.
Now when you Google controversial statistics about ‘body counts’ or the most searched auto filled line, “How many is normal for a guy or girl to sleep with,” the results are varied. The studies that I could find were also significantly old, ranging from 2012, 2015 to 2018. The Australian Study of Health and Relationships (ASHR) published in 2014 interviewed 20,094 men and women between the ages of 16 – 69. This was the following result:
18 was the average number for men
8 was the average number for women
Statistically this just reiterates that a man will always have a higher number. I couldn’t find any study at all which found females to be on par, or even higher than our counterparts. We always came off as second best.
Ladies, I even took one for the team and entered my own body count into a sex calculator, just to take some power back. I then hilariously discovered that I had apparently “done the deed with more people than 98% of your peers”. Ummm, ok … I then proceeded to make my girlfriend write down her body count, and complete the calculator. Now her body count was significantly higher than mine, which she won’t mind me saying at all.
(It also made me feel better as she got the same result).
I’m not here to be Dr. Fix it, and I’ll never be able to solve the age-old debate. I do however hope that I’ve gotten you to question your own beliefs surrounding our sexual culture.
Let’s vow to be the change.
Let’s vow to have each other’s back.
Regardless of gender, let’s stand up for each other! Call a bro out if he’s making sexual jokes about women. Ladies, stand up to those who tell men to “man up”. Lets respect each other for wanting, or not wanting sex.
I swear I’m not a slut, I’m just sexually enthusiastic!
Everyone’s body count is different and unique.
The girl who found love.
I lost my virginity when I was 16 years old in the back on an old Holden Astra, parked at the beach. Wow!
That brings back memories. Something I had been planning for most of my mid-teenage years, thinking it was going to be glamorous, like the movies and awaken me sexually as a woman, it turned out to be completely different.
I am one of the lucky ones who had a sexually romantically awakened experience for my first time. It was filled with love, passion and intimacy, setting up for a future of love and nurturing. I now call this same man my husband.
Body Count: 1
The girl who stuck to her guns.
I was 23 when I ‘lost’ my virginity- not that it’s something you can actually lose; like a set of keys or your phone, which is relatively ‘late’ by societal standards. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m some amazing sexy goddess with guys falling at her feet, but I had plenty of opportunities to take the plunge long before. Boyfriends who practically begged (and then dumped me when I wouldn’t budge) and many a Tinder match who asked. But the moment never felt right. And there’s a couple of reasons for that.
When I was 13, I made the decision to become a Christian. As most people know, right after that decision comes the set of rules, the big one being “no sex before marriage”.
The women in my life were also very quick to remind me ‘your first time will suck anyway’ (I could go one a whole tangent here about our internalised misogyny and women’s pleasure being ignored, but I won’t), so why would I be in a rush to do something I wouldn’t enjoy? My time in the church meant my identity was carved around being a woman of faith with an unshakable determination to keep myself pure until my wedding night. It wasn’t until my early 20s and (another) boyfriend had dumped me for ‘not putting out’ and I had spent thousands of dollars on therapy to overcome some previous trauma that I realised my worth and identity wasn’t linked to my ‘virginity’. What I valued and cared about wasn’t the idea of abstinence and purity; it was having autonomy over my body and being able to choose who I was intimate with. And God wouldn’t love me any less if that was before my wedding night.
It still took me about 12 months before I found someone whom I trusted wholeheartedly to broach the idea. He knew my background; knew the significance and value I placed on this level on this kind of intimacy and was more than happy for me to set the pace. In fact, he was more concerned about doing the deed than I was because he was worried that I would regret it. When we finally did, it was the exact opposite of everything I had been told and was expecting. My perception of myself didn’t change at all. I didn’t feel any different and despite everyone’s warnings, I really enjoyed myself. My body count had ‘officially’ begun. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t rush it. I stuck to my guns and waited it out for a man whom I trusted; who I knew would put my safety, health and wellbeing first. I think if I had taken that leap at the first possible opportunity, the end result would have been completely different. I needed to be sure in myself and develop my self-confidence before I slept with someone, otherwise I think I would have morphed it into something I needed to feel loved and gave out to gander attention (thanks therapy for sorting that one out!). Sex is great, but I’m grateful I never prioritised the need to ‘keep up’ with my peers over what I actually needed and wanted.
Body Count: 1
The girl who’s scared of commitment.
I was 16 when I lost my virginity on an embankment at a deb after party. It’s definitely not how I had imagined my “first time”. There were no roses, no candles, no “I love you” and it wasn’t with someone I had a deep connection with.
I had had way too much to drink, it was the first time I had ever been drunk. I remember not being able to determine which way was up and which way was down.
I remember the disco lights on the ceiling of the Scout hall and I remember my friend putting me on the chair and instantly falling down, not being able to stop myself. I remember it was freezing, I remember that it hurt and him saying to me as he was on top that “you’re tight”. I also remember being scared. It became a bit of a running joke that I lost my virginity on an embankment, what could you do but not laugh. I ignored the fact that it happened and would always play it off causally. Saying this, it took me years to deal with the pain, fear and anguish that that night gave me.
I think this is why I like having friends with benefits (FWB). I like not having any certain commitment to anyone. I can have it on my terms and it’s in my control. I like having the intimacy and affection for a little while but then they leave, I don’t have to deal with the complications and commitments that a relationship brings. I like having the best of both worlds … no emotion, no pressure, a bit of fun and good sex. Saying that, I do value people’s time and I like to be able to hold a conversation, it makes the sex better.
I work on the theory that what I don’t know won’t hurt me. You need to be aware of the fact they are sleeping with other people. Honestly though, it doesn’t really bother me either way as long as they are safe. I think it also works for me as I’m sure of myself and have a lot of self-respect. I will say no if I need too. I firmly believe you need to be in a certain mindset for FWB to work. Why complicate something and put pressure on nothing? For the time that it works and as long as you’re both on the same page, FWB is good and that’s all it needs to be.
Body Count: 38
The girl who’s lost count.
Fade away to an innocent, naïve fifteen-year-old who had just met the boy of her dreams. I was in love, and he was gay. I spent the next six months vying for his affection, only to have him later confide he was dating the cutest boy from our training (Did somebody say friendzone?).
For a girl who had only ever kissed one boy I sure wasted no time jumping straight into bed with someone from his year level, whom I knew he hated (Enter that vindictive spirit girlfriend!). I really want to say that I have changed, but you know…
Fast-forward to my nineteenth birthday, where my official body count hit twenty. Ironically enough the man who was that lucky 2-0 became my fiancée four years later, for a short time. I did opt to call off the wedding though, due to somebody struggling to keep it in his pants. Ugh, right? I think what bothered me the most about that infidelity, was how plain she was in every possible comparison.
Moreover, I had surpassed her in career trajectory, academic studies and I was charismatic, whereas she failed to possess any social skills (or manners). In hindsight I can now recognize he reacted out of fear of abandonment, which was ultimately the nail in the coffin for our prospects. Naturally, I slept with his friend after I ended it.
The excitement of the first touch fueled a rampage after I cancelled the wedding, and my body count grew as I bed both men and women. In hindsight there are a few names I ought to have left off that list, though the tricks I have learnt along the way keep my current man VERY satisfied. (I can also assure you this one, will not leave me wanting to bed his friend). If anyone ever asks, my body count is always whatever they say, "Plus GST". Why? At the end of the day, it's really nobody's business. Just "Don't be silly and wrap that willy".
Body Count: 70 + GST
* We support all genders, sexual orientations and sexual identities.