Take it from me ladies ... sex can open your eyes to the wonderful world of pleasure and sexual empowerment. Saying this, sex can be awkward, confusing and a tad bit messy. Don’t believe the movies about sex being effortless. Your makeup won’t stay in place *cue panda eyes*, you won’t orgasm in 2 minutes just by a guy touching your thigh and/or slamming you with what he has to offer … it’s bull$%*^. You will occasionally punch someone in the face by accident and trust me, weird sounds will happen.
Whether you’re delving into the world of sex for the first time, you want to spice things up, or you want some simple tips, advice or to read something that you can relate too. Here are twenty-two Susie approved tips of the trade to help you maneuver your way around.
1. Don’t let anyone let you question your sexual values and standards. Self respect and knowing your worth is your power.
2. Sexual health is important! It is both individuals responsibility to get checked (every 3 months for someone who is sexually active), especially if you have more than one sexual partner. The conversation may be awkward and uncomfortable but you can’t buy peace of mind.
3. Have fun! Explore your own sexual pleasure, kinks and fantasies. How are you going to find out what you like?
4. No means NO! If something makes you uncomfortable, trust your gut and say NO.
5. Be safe! Talk about contraception for both parties! There are so many options out there for woman and men. Don’t accept stupid excuses for not using any. Yes it may feel “better” but it’s not worth getting a disease or infection that you cannot get rid of.
6. Communicate, communicate, communicate!! Did I mention to communicate? How is your sexual partner going to know what you like and what you don’t like? People are intuitive but they are not mind readers.
7. It’s ok to have only have slept with one person, twenty or fifty. A number or your sexual experience never defines your worth. .
8. Use lube, and lots of it … it’s better when its wetter!
9. It’s ok if you want to wait for that “someone special”. Own your choice, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
10. Sex toys are fun for both parties. Both men and woman can significantly benefit from bringing an object into the bedroom. If one of you feels uncomfortable with the idea, go shopping together.
11. Find your own pleasure. It’s not shameful or embarrassing, it makes you human. How do you give direction to your sexual partner if you don’t know how to make yourself orgasm?
12. Orgasms are a mutual privilege!!! Ladies and gentlemen it’s not just about the male or just about the female. Pleasure is always mutual!
13. Porn can be a great tool to set the mood or learn something different BUT porn can also suck and give you unrealistic expectations of female and male pleasure. Don’t believe everything you watch!
14. Females can have a higher sex drive than our counterparts.
15. Contrary to popular belief, you can have sex with people without having emotions involved and without anyone getting hurt. Friends with benefits can be a wonderful arrangement. The key is ensuring you are both on the same page, communication and laying out your terms, wants and needs from the start. Take it from me … I am the Queen of FWB and I’m also still friends with a lot of them.
16. It’s ok to want sex. It’s ok to be sexually free and this does not mean that you are a “slut”. If you need to use a social dating app to find a “hook up” (*cough* Tinder *cough*). Own your confidence, lay it down on your terms and GO FOR IT!!
17. Not everything is 100%. Accidents will happen and that’s ok. There are emergency contraception options there for a reason. There are also ways to obtain the morning after pill discreetly. Take a friend; take your sex partner, boyfriend, gay best friend, basically someone or anyone you feel comfortable with. You can also do it by yourself, whatever you like. If someone judges you for taking contraception in your own hands then they are the sad person.
18. Don’t always listen to other people’s opinions on sex. Everyone’s experiences’ will be different and unique to them. Don’t let someone’s bad experience scare you from trying something new.
19. Only a small percentage of female’s can orgasm from penetration alone. It’s called clitoral stimulation people! If you’re a bit lost with your anatomy or gentleman if you don’t know where the clitoris is, there is a great friend called Google.
20. Male’s sperm does not taste like candy or fairy-floss. I don’t care what they say! No amount of pineapple will make it taste “better”. It’s ok to not want to swallow and its ok if you want to swallow. Also, don’t listen to “that” girl on YouTube, IT DOES NOT MAKE A GOOD FACE MASK. Quick tip, I learnt from one of my gay best friends, holding your thumbs helps the gag reflex! I can vouch … it does work!
21. One-night stands will suck. He may be the dud and you may be the dud. You won’t know how each other works as you are both new. It’s ok, that’s life, it happens.
22. Sleep around while you're single! Experience other people! Safely, with consent and in a safe place
Ladies, I could go to 50 things, but that’s not the point and I’m sure you don’t want to read on forever … although as appealing as it sounds, I know! A lot are my own experiences but I also did collaborate with some of my girlfriends and even some males to narrow it down to 22. Sex is inclusive and collaborative and we can all learn a thing or two from listening too each other. The topic of “sex” and intimacy has been taboo for years especially for women, it’s time we start revolutionizing the way we communicate around our sexual health and pleasure to make the topic normalized.
Feel free to tell me in the comments what you’ve learnt from sex and if I have missed anything.
Until next time, Susie out 🤟